2020
2019
Living in Freedom from Addiction
Posted November 22, 2019 by Austin Fruits from Josh McDowell Ministries. www.josh.org Used with permission
In the midst of addiction, our hope for freedom can be clouded by a loss of control, depression, and isolation. From personal experience, the light at the end of the tunnel becomes more and more dim as failure and shame build. While trapped in my addiction to pornography, I thought for years that freedom was unattainable.
My pride and desire for control lead me to think that I could fix myself. The harsh reality was that I couldn’t. But I sit here today, in this moment, with a new level of health and freedom. How did I finally get here?
“Freedom is not having the ability to do what you want to do, freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do.” – Josh McDowell
Identifying Freedom
First of all, let’s define “freedom,” specific to addiction. About a year and a half ago, when asked to define freedom by a few of the staff here at Josh McDowell Ministry, I thought a moment and replied, “Freedom is not struggling with temptation or sin.”
At the time, I really thought that was the goal I was supposed to be aiming for. It was certainly my personal goal in the first few months of my recovery. But I have come to realize that it’s not the right goal or definition, because it’s completely unrealistic.
Back then I expected that there would be a moment in my recovery where I would experience complete freedom — which would last the rest of my life. I thought freedom meant I would no longer struggle with lust, experience the temptation of sexual sin, or have to deal with the consequences of my sin. Now I understand that complete freedom isn’t possible here on earth, because of our inherent sinful nature. We still sin.
Justification
From my mindset of not struggling, I defined freedom through the lens of justification. Justification is a big theological term that means “to be declared righteous, or to be made right with God.”
5:18-19 tells us what Christ did for us: “Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for fall men. For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous.”
When Christ died on the cross, He took our sins upon himself. In His resurrection, He conquered that sin. Because of His gift of grace, we believers are justified, or declared righteous, when we surrender our lives to Him. Christ paid the price that we could never pay; we are fully forgiven, if we choose to accept it.
Sanctification
I think a much better definition of freedom is found in terms of sanctification. To be sanctified is “to be brought into the presence of God and to share in the life of His Son through the Holy Spirit.” That sounds intimidating, so let me break it down.
You and I have been brought into God’s presence by Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross. This is called adoption. With this adoption, we gain the gift of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. The Holy Spirit helps us in many ways, including convicting us and leading us toward repentance. When we repent and turn away from our sin, we become more like Christ. So sanctification is our growth toward a life that imitates Christ; a life of holiness.
In the same way, finding freedom is growth toward health. We find freedom in health. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 says, “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Full freedom isn’t possible because of our sinful nature, but we can gain health.
If we look at Josh’s definition — that “freedom is having the ability to do what you ought to do” — we get a better grasp of how to view freedom. If we are free to do what we ought to do, we remove the barriers that keep us from doing what we ought to do.
Freedom, or health, looks a lot like being connected to the life of God.
Restoration
Christian counselor Michael Dye created an addiction recovery tool called the FASTER Scale. The scale identifies the stages people move through toward relapse, so they can see it coming and get proactive. The FASTER acronym stands for Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, and Relapse.
The FASTER Scale focuses on restoration (accepting life on God’s terms, with trust, vulnerability, and gratitude). If we live in restoration, we live lives saturated with healthy relationships, vulnerability, intimacy, identifying and dealing with emotions, walking with the Spirit, and working through pain. These aspects create health, which produces freedom.
This freedom is based on connection with God and other people. No matter our state of health, we still experience temptation and sin. But if we are living in restoration and connection, our connectedness provides healthy ways of dealing with them.
Often, to gain health or freedom, we must go to what hurt us in the first place: people. We learn to cope as people closest to us hurt us. But this woundedness creates isolation and barriers that keep us from living in intimate connection with God and others. To break down those barriers and return to health, we must learn to trust others and experience the intimacy that God intends us to enjoy.
Can we really gain freedom and health? Yes!
Walking in Freedom
I have been finding freedom and health for the past two years. It is unbelievably fulfilling to walk in health, because it is how God created me to experience life. Has it been hard to find health? Yes, but incredibly worth it.
I found health primarily by returning to my identity in Christ. I had to identify the root of the problem — my belief that I was not enough — and to experience my worth in Christ. I have had to process the pain in my past, and experience who I am in Christ through relationships with others. I have learned how to trust others with my fears.
Freedom is found when we live in health. It is characterized by vulnerability, connected relationships, intimacy, walking with the spirit, identifying and dealing with emotions, working through pain, and experiencing our worth in Christ.
Freedom is returning to our identity in Christ. Freedom is being less bound to the sins that entrap us. It is not always constant; it fluctuates day-to-day as we walk with others and navigate our sin-soaked world. We won’t find full freedom from sin here on earth, but we can find freedom from addiction. This is the hope that I and other addicts have, that freedom and health are possible. Here. Now.
Christ came to redeem, and we cannot forget that. No matter the struggle, we have worth in and to Christ.
Your road to health may be hard, but take my word for it: your experiencing intimacy with the Lord and others, and being who you were created to be, will satisfy your soul. It has mine. That is God’s design. That is freedom.
Want to learn more?
- Need a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker at your church? Ben Bennett speaks on living free.
- Josh has compiled decades of research here: The Porn Epidemic.
- Join the Resolution!
2019
The Porn Epidemic: Problem, Consequence, and Hope
Posted November 13, 2019 by Austin Fruits from Josh McDowell Ministries. www.josh.org Used with permission.
I love hearing the highlights of people’s lives, vacations, weekends, or even workdays. They are insights into people’s unique passions, joys, and personalities. In my two years traveling with Josh McDowell as his assistant, I experienced quite a few highlights.
But one event, in particular, still stands out to me: the Set Free Conference. There is an epidemic in the church today, and it all revolves around pornography.
Global Initiative to Expose Porn Addiction
Set Free, an initiative launched by Josh to educate, start conversation, and de-shame porn addiction, focused on a few major themes: What is pornography? What are its associated problems, consequences, and solutions? A global initiative, Set Free Conferences have been held in the U.S., Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay, and Singapore; attendees have heard from top speakers such as Dr. Donald Hilton, Jessica Harris, Ben Bennett, and Josh McDowell.
Why was Set Free the highlight of this two-year period? Because of the needed global conversation about the pornography epidemic — but also because of the response from attendees.
I’ve watched empowered pastors share excitement and become eager to teach what they’ve learned. I’ve seen moms and dads finally be able to understand their child’s struggle with porn. I’ve seen community leaders get fired up about starting recovery groups. And I’ve seen wounded, broken, humble people openly confess, through pouring tears, the porn addictions that have torn their lives apart.
The first two sections of the Set Free Conference were hard-hitters: the problem of porn, and its consequences. As attendees heard the mind-boggling stats and gut-wrenching repercussions, they were glued to the edge of their seats. As they learned that porn is the number one problem in the Church — globally — their reactions ranged from shock and anger to utter despair.
When we find the courage to talk about that which we deem to be dirty and uncomfortable, shame can be broken, movements can be started, and people can take the initial steps towards freedom.
The Problem of Porn
Our culture is so sexually saturated that porn is now included in top-selling books, advertising, and social media. We don’t even realize how many pornographic images we are exposed to daily, without our even trying to see them.
Christians are just as tempted as non-believers to view porn, which is why pastor Charles R. Swindoll has called pornography the greatest cancer in the history of the Church. As Josh adds, “It’s available, accessible, affordable, anonymous, appealing, aggressive, and addictive.” Porn is affecting the majority of families in every church around the globe. This epidemic is destroying families; it’s now the root cause of 56 percent of divorces.
So what is pornography? A general description is that it’s “that which is designed to arouse or sexually excite.” Porn is not juvenile and harmless, like too many people generally think. It is hardcore, graphic, and disgusting.
Porn addiction is biological, relational, and spiritual. Solutions must address each aspect for us to gain freedom.
Why is it an epidemic? I’ll share my personal experience. As I told readers in my last post, I have battled an addiction to porn that started well before my teens. I know how porn addiction distorts every part of a person’s life. I know the tangible consequences of the degradation of human life. I know the misery of living an isolated and disconnected life, and the hopelessness of addiction.
Mind-Boggling Stats
The reach of the porn industry is mind-boggling. One study found that porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month. Porn now accounts for a third of all Internet traffic! More than 91 percent of men and 60 percent of women have reported consuming pornography in the past month.
But a lot of those viewers are young people, who got exposed to porn as early as eight years old! It’s just too easy to stumble on it on both cell phones and computers. In sharing my own story of woundedness, addiction, and journey toward freedom at the Set Free Conference, I’ve seen just how many young males — and increasingly young females — are struggling with addiction to porn.
This breaks Josh’s heart; this crippling addiction is not what God intends for us. Josh has spent the past decade researching the problem, consequences, and solutions to pornography. Here are just a few startling statistics:
- 79 percent of men and 76 percent of women, ages 18-30, view pornography at least once a month.
- 64 percent of young people, ages 13-24, actively seek out pornography.
- 57 percent of pastors admit they struggle with porn.
- 60-72 percent of men and 24-30 percent of women in the Church are sex addicts.
What these stats show is that our society has normalized porn. Research shows that teens and young adults consider failing to recycle more immoral than viewing pornography!
The Consequences of Porn
There’s a reason that sexual immorality is talked about so frequently in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
The consequences that pornography yields dismantle a person’s biological, spiritual, and relational self. Biologically, it rewires our brains, creating a lack of control, chemical dependency, and desensitization. Spiritually, it disconnects us from God. Isaiah 59:2 states that our iniquities have caused separation between us and God; that our sins have hidden His face from us. Viewing pornography is rooted in our lust and sexual immorality; it is adultery. It is sin, plain and simple.
In Ephesians 4:17-19, we can read that giving ourselves over to sensuality cuts us off from the life of God. Relationally, pornography causes guilt, shame, and isolation. When we isolate, we cut ourselves off from one of God’s greatest gifts, our brothers and sisters in Christ. One of the consequences of the epidemic of pornography is that it leads to a skewed perspective of how to treat others.
Pornography causes the belief that:
- It’s okay to use, abuse, or mistreat others for self-gratification.
- It’s okay to view and participate in the use, mistreatment, or abuse of a person.
- People can treat others with indifference.
- Pleasure guides principle, meaning sexual passion trumps moral objectives.
Pornography creates:
- A demonstrated lack of empathy toward others.
- Decreased interest in and/or declining performance in school and extracurricular activities.
- Sexual aggression, incest, and age-inappropriate relationships.
- Concentration problems, low motivation, depression, social anxiety, negative self-perceptions, and erectile dysfunction.
Sexual abuse is always a hot topic in the media. But it’s interesting to note how infrequently porn is cited as the source motivating that abuse. Check out the Porn Epidemic’s chapter on sexual harassment to learn more about sexual abuse and its tie to pornography.
Hope
Coming face-to-face with the reality of our sin should lead us not into isolation, but to the feet of our Heavenly Father. The weight of our sin is heavy, too heavy to bear alone. It is so easy to be caught up in the magnitude of this epidemic and lose hope. I have done so many times.
But the truth is, there is hope. 1 Peter 2:24 offers us good news: “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.”
It is easy to become discouraged in the shadow of a giant, but we can’t forget that we know the end of the story. Christ, the Son of God, took the form of a man to take our sins upon Himself. He died, but triumphantly rose to reunite us with our Heavenly Father. He offers us forgiveness and healing, if we are willing to place our trust and faith in Him. With His help, we can conquer any sin.
Hope motivated all the Set Free attendees who confessed their addiction for the first time. And there is hope in the midst of your child’s addition, your personal addiction, or those of your friends.
Porn is currently an epidemic. But no problem is bigger than God. I have hope in the power of His healing the world. Because I’ve witnessed it and experienced it. Have hope!
Want to learn more?
- Want a Josh McDowell Ministry speaker to come to your church?
- Want research? Josh has compiled decades of research here: The Porn Epidemic.
- A list of ministries that help people to overcome porn.
- Join the Resolution!
2019
Wounds, Shame, and Isolation: My Story
Posted November 4, 2019 by Austin Fruits from Josh McDowell Ministries. www.josh.org Used with permission.
For two years I traveled with Josh McDowell, helping to wake people up to the fact that pornography has become an epidemic in America — despite the fact that few seem to recognize the problem.
I know first-hand the devastation it causes, and how easy it is to become addicted and enslaved by shame. Here’s a bit of my story.
My Early Intro to Porn
I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I walked into the room at our youth group’s winter camp, only to be greeted by the tears of a good friend. It was sixth grade and I was 12 years old. He blurted, “I need to tell you something.” Before I knew it, he was spilling out a story all too familiar to my own: his deep struggle with pornography. I sat, shocked, as guilt and an enormous conviction flooded my soul.
I was first exposed to porn at just nine years old, but curiosity led me to seek it out when I was eleven. That unwise decision birthed an 11-year addiction that devastated that period of my life. For almost a decade, pornography became my source of intimacy, gratification, and acceptance.
When I was lonely, porn was my comfort. When I felt like a failure, porn gratified. When I felt like I was worthless, porn gave me a sense of worth.
My desire to be fully known and loved began to be satisfied by this counterfeit source. Porn was an escape into a pleasure-soaked world. I soon became emotionally withdrawn from family and friends, as shame and isolation grew within me.
Hiding My Shame
At church I was the pastor’s son; I looked like I had it all together. I learned all the right answers and how to perform for others’ acceptance. Opportunities arose for me to lead worship, small groups in my youth group, and even speak. Mentors and friends encouraged and complimented me, but their uplifting words filtered through my shame, diving me deeper into desolation.
I lied, ran, and hid in moments of vulnerability. Honestly, my life looked good, but the unrest of my double life tore me apart.
I heard at church and Christian seminars that if I confessed my sin to Jesus, and developed accountability with the guys around me, I would find freedom from my addiction. I tried this for years, confessing my sins over and over again with accountability that failed. This traumatizing cycle of guilt, confession, short periods of change, and relapse continued throughout my addiction.
As I repeatedly failed, the guilt of my failure moved to shame when I viewed myself as the failure. Rock bottom was a rude awakening in my junior year of college.
I had lost hope and was deeply depressed. Failure, worthlessness, and shame consumed my thoughts as I tried to keep my act together. On the morning of March 28, 2017, I finally reached out to the two people that I knew loved and cared about me more than anyone else, my parents.
I called home and confessed. And in that moment I experienced pure grace.
Seeking Freedom
My parents spoke worth into who I was as a child of God — and as their son. That morning launched my process of finding health: cutting the supply of pornography, true repentance, true accountability, and counseling.
Finding healing has been one of the hardest journeys of my life. I struggle to use the term “freedom” because I struggle to believe that we can find true freedom from sin here on earth. That full freedom is what we look forward to when we are reunited with our Creator.
But I can say that I have found a new level of health, which consists of a life of no secrets, intimacy with God, processing emotions, and reaching out in relationships.
Do I still watch porn? No. But am I truly free? No. Because porn is not just a problem, it is a medication for an underlying problem.
We all medicate with something when we have desires that go unmet. Instead of healthily going to God and the people around me to be loved and known, fear drove me to a counterfeit. Through counseling, I realized that I was not just dealing with an addiction to pornography, but wounds of my past. Porn addicts are not perverts; they are hurting and looking for love, acceptance, and gratification in the wrong place. As my friend Ben Bennett says, “Unmet desires lead to unwanted behaviors.”
Leaning on Christ
There is much pain in my story. But that pain is nothing compared to the deep love of Christ. I can sit here today with the strong conviction that I am a beloved child of God, with immense worth to my Creator. That is cause to celebrate! Nothing compares to my intimacy with the Lord and the people around me. I hold strong to these two verses that my parents shared with me the morning I confessed my addiction:
John 16:33: “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Romans 8:1: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
Pornography is wrecking our nation, our churches, our families, and us as individuals. It is undermining the very groundwork God put in place for people to relate in healthy intimacy. The global stats of this struggle are overwhelming, but there is hope, starting with the Church choosing to deal with this struggle directly.
As the Church, the bride of Christ, let’s start talking. Let’s normalize the topic of sexual addiction, which has been taboo for too long in the Church. Until we are willing to talk about this openly and compassionately, porn addicts will continue to hide in their shame.
I ask you: Is it the purpose of the Church to condemn — or to help lead captives to freedom? I believe Jesus came to show us that it’s the latter.